Video Games

Backseat Game Review: Assassin’s Creed III


Rick has an admittedly love hate relationship with Ubisoft and Assassin’s Creed specifically, but he’d be damned if he was going to miss Assassin’s Creed III, the fifth game in the increasingly inaccurately named Assassin’s Creed trilogy. Since it’s been a while since I’ve done one, I decided to sit down with him and do a Backseat Game Review.

First off, the good stuff. It’s very pretty. Climbing and jumping through trees is actually really cool and the new graphics engine really makes everything pop. The historical setting is interesting, authentic and little touches like pervy Ben Franklin going on and on about lady parts is sort of amusing. The map is really nice and big and there’s lots of stuff to do.

Sadly, that’s about it for the good. The degree to which this game is broken is stunning. Yeah, video game glitches are nothing new, but they are EVERYWHERE in this game. Everything from tree-deer (actually, all manner of animals embedded in all manner of items, including rocks, houses, etc.) and invisible Ben Franklin, to disappearing carts that launch you into space when they inevitably make contact with you. There are codex entries that trigger at the wrong time, spoiling major twists in the game’s plot. There are quests that don’t start and quests that don’t end. It’s so glaringly obvious that the game was seriously rushed to market that there’s no way not to feel ripped off, even if it is, technically, playable. But “playable” shouldn’t be your goal as a game company. Especially not in what is meant to be the final game in your flagship franchise. It feels cheap and rushed and Ubisoft should be embarrassed.

Case in point, one quest was so broken that the only way that Rick could finish it was by encountering another bug that glitched up the first glitch. It took him 30 minutes.

To add insult to injury, many of the game’s side quests just aren’t that interesting. Sure, there’s lots to do in the game, but unfortunately a lot of it has to do with running around trying to find the best place to pick flowers for your French-Canadian buddy who couldn’t be arsed to do it himself. They make no sense as side quests and add nothing to the game.

And, as the final nail in the coffin, Connor, as a protagonist just isn’t that interesting. Sure he’s honourable and unstereotypy, but he’s also just kinda boring. No Ezio swagger, that’s for sure.

Unfortunately, if you’re a fan of the series you already paid your $60 and are struggling your way through it just like Rick. If you aren’t, then you probably had little interest in it anyways, so bully for you.

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    November 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Aaaand now I want an “Invisible Ben Franklin” T-shirt, with the text in super fancy scroll-work above and below an empty cameo.

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